If Only
by Agnes Stewart
Summary: Nancy comes to the hideout one night and has a conversation with Dodger. ""I don't know why you go back. I don't know why you love 'im," Dodger continued. "'ow could you be expected to know? You don't know what love is," Nancy retorted." It turns out Dodger has more to say about the matter than she thought. Slight NancyXDodger. Rated T.


**A/N Hi everyone! This has been sitting around in my head for awhile so I finally wrote it out. I hope you all enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any characters. Charles Dickens does, the flipping genius.**

If Only

As the Big Ben struck eleven o'clock a young woman was hurrying across London Bridge, tears streaming down her pale face. She scurried down the cobblestone streets and up a pair of rickety stairs. She came to the old wooden door of a warehouse and knocked.

Inside that warehouse, all was quiet. The occupants had gone to sleep hours ago, as the next day was a workday. Only one person, a fifteen-year-old boy, was still awake. His name was Jack Dawkins, better known as the Artful Dodger.

He pulled himself out of his bed, quietly cursing whoever was at the door. Setting his battered top hat on his head, he walked to the entrance of the thieves' hideout and groggily asked through the door, "'o is it?"

"Nancy. Plummy an' slam," the woman's strained voice answered.

Dodger quickly pulled open the door to reveal Nancy, bruises up and down her arms. He gently grabbed her hand and pulled her to a worn couch in front of the hearth, while she broke down in sobs.

"Hush, it's alrigh' now," Dodger said, remembering how Nancy had comforted him and the rest of the boys when they were younger. She was only three years older than him but had acted as his mother throughout his early years in the gang.

"No it ain't Dodge. You don't know 'ow much I 'ate comin' over 'ere like this. I 'ate you to see me cryin'," Nancy said.

"I don't mind," Dodger said. "We all cry."

Nancy shook her head and let out a sob. Dodger, very concerned, pulled her into a hug, stroking her long reddish brown hair. Once she had calmed herself and ceased crying he asked, "What 'appened?"

"'e started beating me again, not too bad. Then 'e told me to get out, so I did and I came 'ere," she explained.

"'e 'it ya?" Dodger asked, gritting his teeth in fury.

"Yeah. I don't see why it makes a difference to you," Nancy said.

"I don't see why you ain't doin' nothin' 'bout it. I don't see why you keep goin' back, no matter 'ow it-" Dodger stopped himself.

"No matter 'ow it what?" Nancy asked.

"Can't tell ya," he replied.

"Yeah you can. What is it?" she asked, hating how rough she was being.

"No matter 'ow it kills me. You think I like when you come in all beat up, barely 'oldin' onto yer pride? I 'ate it and I 'ate 'im!" Dodger exclaimed.

"Well…" Nancy began, racking her brain for a response.

"I don't know why you go back. I don't know why you love 'im," Dodger continued.

"'ow could you be expected to know? You don't know what love is," Nancy retorted.

"Neither do you then, thinkin' you love Bill Sikes." Nancy snorted. Dodger continued, "And I've loved someone 'fore. I still do."

"Who? Some barmaid at the Cripples?" Nancy asked.

"No," Dodger replied. "A true lady, a beautiful one, who doesn't get 'alf of what she deserves."

"And you think you're what she deserves," Nancy asked, haughtily crossing her arms and looking over at him, taking in the fire in his eyes.

"I'm definitely a step up from what she's got now," Dodger said. "And I bet if she gave me a chance she would-" Nancy cut him off with a stern, "No Dodge!"

They sat in silence for a few minutes, keeping their eyes trained on the jumping flames in the hearth. Dodger tentatively glanced at Nancy but then quickly turned back to the hearth.

"I'm sorry Dodge," Nancy said, breaking the silence, "but I couldn't do it to Bill."

"After all 'e does to you, you deserve somethin' better and 'e deserves the gallows," Dodger replied bitterly.

"You don't mean it," Nancy said.

"I do."

"Fine then," Nancy said, smoothing down her hair.

They sat in silence for another few minutes until Dodger said, "I think I know why you go back."

"Why then?" Nancy asked, curious to hear what he had to say.

"'cause yer scared of what 'e might do if you leave," Dodger said.

"Why would you think that? I'm not a coward you know," Nancy said coldly.

"All I could think of. I don't know why else you would go back. I sure as 'ell wouldn't," Dodger said. "I didn't mean it like 'at, Nance. Yer the bravest person I know."

"Thanks Dodge," she said, taking his hand and giving it a tight squeeze.

"I'm sorry. I 'aven't been exactly civil tonight," he said, grinning nervously, partially because Nancy was holding his hand and partially because he wasn't fond of apologizing.

"I 'aven't been civil either," Nancy said, "so I'm sorry too."

"Apology accepted," Dodger said, looking at Nancy.

"Yours too," she replied, looking back at him. Dodger leaned forward, taking Nancy's lips in a kiss. She was frozen for a few seconds, in utter shock, but then she came to her senses and pushed him away. "What are you doin' Dodge?" she asked, incredulous.

"I love you Nance," Dodger said, hurt.

"Well you shouldn't," she said.

"It's not like I want to. You think it makes me feel good?" Dodger asked.

"I want you to fall in love. I want you to be 'appy. Jus' not with me," Nancy said. "I love you too Dodger, but I can't love you like 'at."

"I understand," Dodger said, hurt and angry at the same time. Angry at Nancy, but more at himself. _Why the bloody 'ell did I do that? _he thought, mentally slapping himself.

"I'm sorry," she said. "If only things could be different…"

'What d'you mean by 'at?" Dodger asked, raising his eyebrows.

"If I didn't have Bill, you would be my first choice." Nancy leaned forward and gave the Artful Dodger a peck on the lips before adding, "Now off to bed!"

Dodger rushed to his bed and climbed into it, Nancy's words echoing in his head. _I love you too Dodger, but I can't love you like 'at… If I didn't have Bill, you would be my first choice… If only things could be different…_

"Yeah," Dodger muttered. "If only."

. . . . . . . . . . .

**A/N Hi guys! I hope you all liked that. I'm a serious Dodger/Nancy shipper so expect to see that in a lot of my other stories. It's weird I started this whole thing around the phrase, "You don't know what love is." Hehe. Please review!**


End file.
